Fifty and Other F-Words by Margot Potter

Author:Margot Potter
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sterling

You Look Good, for Your Age

“You’re how old? Wow! You look good for your age!”

This one—this one is really insidious. It’s the ultimate backhanded compliment for the older woman. Yet, it’s generally received with giddy enthusiasm, “I do? Thank GOD!”

Holding back the ravages of time is important in a society where women over 50 are treated like pariahs. We can’t find work. We can’t find clothes. We can’t find our faces represented in traditional media. Unless we find a way to maintain a semblance of perpetual youth, we are shown the virtual door. Please make room for a younger model. Thank you. Are you still here? Disappear already, will you?

Let’s parse the “You look good for your age” compliment, shall we? It’s tricky because, on the one hand, it clearly states that “you look good.” That’s a positive, right? We all want to look good because we live in a world that is mostly driven by appearances. Looking bad won’t get you any prizes. On the other hand, can we embrace the “you look good” portion of the equation while rejecting the second half? What exactly does “for your age” mean? Does it mean that you look 5 years younger, 10 years younger, 15 percent less saggy, 25 percent less wrinkly? If you looked like this, but you were 5 or 10 years younger, would you then look bad for your age? Is there a chart somewhere we might reference?

Why are we so terrified of aging? Why aren’t we embracing the wisdom, the power, the beauty, the wonder of being alive this long and having survived this much?

Gravity, collagen depletion, and sun damage conspire to change our faces, and, as time progresses, turn us into strangers to ourselves. “Where’d that fabulous girl go and who the hell is this?,” we ask as we gaze at that old woman in the mirror. Once she’s old, who’s there to tell her that she looks good?

Then the media trots out the same collection of ageless beauties, who have the luxury of great bones and great plastic surgeons, and say, “Look at her, she looks AMAZING for her age.” As if to say, “Hey, old bag over there, what’s your excuse?” Because looking good at every age is far more important for a woman than being wise, or accomplished, or compassionate, right?

There is a definite beauty to a woman whose aging face no longer reflects impossible societal standards or the need to attract the male gaze. Our face reflects our unique life experience, the journey we take from youth to maturity. Every wrinkle, every shift in the terrain tells a story of a life lived, of adventures and heartbreaks, and triumphs and tragedies. That’s real beauty.

I am trying to navigate the shift as I age, trying to find a way to embrace the changes, instead of fearing them. I like a compliment as much as the next gal, but I want to love myself enough to let go of the need for that kind of external affirmation.

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